Opportunity knocked…but my doorman threw him out.

It’s been three months. Amazing how quickly time flies when you’re having fun. 2012 is exactly how I want it to be. Next week will be my long awaited hiking trip to The Wave, rim to rim hiking in the Grand Canyon, and a couple relaxing days in Vegas. I can’t wait. Nine more days until the excitement starts…or should I say continue.

It’s 11:08 p.m. right now. I’m out in Kansas City, Missouri for the IHOP Conference. Less than an hour before midnight strikes here. I’m streaming the praise time that Cory Ashbury is leading right now in the auditorium that is happening down the street from my hotel. I could be there worshiping with 25,000 other people, but I’m here. I’m enjoying my time alone reflecting on this past year.

And seriously? Wow. This year has been a blur. I don’t really remember much of the start of the year, but the last two and a half months stand out.

As each day of the conference progressed, I thought of Joe more and more. I’m so thankful for him. His heart moves me. It’s so beautiful. I wonder if he knows this. I’ve been trying to keep the gushing to a minimum to the people around me, but I’m like a fountain that keeps welling up…and I have to make a conscious effort to keep my words in check. I know in the past I’ve dated guys who appeared to have it all together, but their hearts were dry and empty. I thank God so much that I got out of those relationships. They weren’t healthy and had I stayed with them,

I can see myself growing richly in Jesus with Joe. I love how he loves people. His heart has been tenderized through all his experiences, and it was this exact quality that has made me keep coming back for more. From the start, I always wanted to be with a man who not only loved God, but also had a heart that was insanely warm. Like a moth to a flame, I’m so drawn to him. For the first time, I feel compelled to give my heart to a guy based on who he is, not based on what he’s done for me. In the past, I dated guys who treated me well enough, but this time around, I want to be with this guy based on my knowledge of who he is. He is kind, compassionate, warm…oh the list goes on and on and I’m only beginning to scratch the surface of who he is.

There are certain things I want to tell him, but it might be too soon…so I’ll just keep it to myself for now.

Excited to see what 2012 will bring.

Merry Christmas! Six more days left until 2011 comes to an end. As I’m typing this out right now, it just seems so wrong. Time flew by so quickly and I feel like I’m scrambling by the seat of my pants trying to get last minute stuff done. Despite all this, I feel so at peace. Life is amazing all around.

For the first time this month, I actually started to think about new year resolutions on the way home yesterday.

Up until recently, there were very few things that got me wanting to get married. Call it my biological clock, laziness, lack of desire, etc. The bottom line was that it didn’t seem appealing at all. In the past, dating relationships seemed to foretell how marriage would turn out. The thought of having to pick up someone’s dirty laundry, cook, clean, and other wife “duties” made my skin curdle. It wasn’t that I doubted my skills; In fact, I knew I’d be good at it. In my moments of introspection, I came to realize that these very thoughts existed because my heart recognized that I couldn’t do it with love for the rest of my life. Not with those people.

Lately, however, I’ve been recognizing a change of heart. Babies are suddenly really cute. The thought of getting pregnant excites me. The idea of supporting someone all the days of their life thrills me. Knowing that they will be by my side for all the days of my life brings me so much joy. Maybe all of this comes with meeting the right person. Maybe it’s just timing in terms of maturity and life stage.

I really like how Joe is so rich in life experiences. It makes him wise beyond his years and I truly do believe that that is why he has the confidence to give me so much freedom to be who I am. He has so much patience…annoyingly so. I’m so thankful that he’s the oldest and knows how to sacrifice and share. Most importantly, he loves God.  I read somewhere that “If you fight like a married couple, talk like best friends, flirt like first loves, and protect each other like siblings, it’s meant to be.”

Only time will tell…

This video makes me want to have kids so bad.  I must be losing my cookies.

UCLA’s standard of education has gone down tremendously. I snickered today when I read someone mistaken “there” for “their.”

Few words in the English language capture such depth of emotion in two short syllables. A longing is not a superficial want that might be satisfied by a simple act of kindness. A longing is not even a genuine need for which we can demand satisfaction. Longing goes deeper than that. A longing is an ache of the heart. It is a cavity of the spirit crying to be filled. In its deepest sense it is neither a true verb nor a true noun, but combines the two, spanning the gap between emotion and genuine need. It is an intangible feeling that ebbs and flows, yet it is a concrete reality. It cannot be reasoned with, negated or dismissed. If not attended to, it will overtake us. One way or another, whether legitimately or illegitimately, a human longing will be filled. It must be.

There are days that you know will always remain ingrained in your memory. Today is one of them.

Everything seems to be going so fast lately.  The only thing is, it’s been really slow.  9 days slow. Except… it feel like I’ve known him forever. The comfort level is that high. Conversations that never end. Sidelong glances that say so much. Excited to see where this goes.

Went on a blind date tonight. It was very promising and made me wonder if it would be my last first date. It’s too soon to tell, but you just never know.

Decided today that I need to start blogging again. If for any none other than to keep myself sane. There’s been too many thoughts running though my head and no outlet. There’s only so much that I can expect from the people around me…

I’ve missed you, world. Will update more soon!